월요일, 5월 30, 2005
A long long journey
Yeah..heh i feel kinda bad at rejoicing but i really feel relieved that this fri is goin to be my last day at XXX company. (better not sae any names in case of a lawsuit) Well its suffice to know that its a particular insurance company at the raffles pl area. Think i better stick as a housewife nt time le. Cos im jus not cut out for admin work!! Raffles pl is a lousy area seriously. It undermines ur self-confidence n makes u feel like e most insignificant person there. Well unless sae u r like rich, gorgeous, bursting w confidence, n can totally fit like a puzzle. Ok i noe i may be over exaggerating but to such a poor person like me who cun afford a whole array of office clothes, somehow e security guards jus lurve to talk to me each morning, 'ensuring' i have my pass w me. Sorry, do i look like i belong to some Osama-infliated organisation? The nerve of it. Not jus a few daes somemore lor. Either they have serious short term memory, are down with alzheimer's disease or else they r jus prejudiced agst pple who cun afford to wear expensive clothes. In either case, i hav enuf of this kind of treatment n i wld gladly sae goodbye to a fat pay check n jus hibernate e rest of my hols awae. Not as if its alot of money anywae. Bleah. Oh n most imptly, sayonara to heels, skirts, wedges n lunch boxes. Which reminds me of my bento tt someone owes me.
Freedom. Money. Time. Love. Which is e most impt? Hmm...at 21, i wld prob choose money, love, freedom, time in tt order. Jie asked me to go find a golden tortoise but where do i find one? Haha i m getting out of hand. So superficial. But i cun help being money minded la. 10 yrs down the road i prob wun put money as first priority anymore. But tts 10 yrs more so none of my business now.
counting down: 4 more daes to FREEDOM
OoooOOhh..freedom sounds sweet to the mind. Whatever analogy is tt. I sae hav den have lor.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 9:11 PM
수요일, 5월 25, 2005
Eating choco
I am eating Nestle Crunch bar now.
I am very bored.
I wish i cld be sleepin now.
I am rottin so much i think i m turning into a zombie.
Hmm, autobiography of a very bored girl.
Interesting, isnt it?
또 울어버렸다.. @ 1:51 PM
토요일, 5월 21, 2005
A surprisingly empty Sat
I feel kinda empty suddenly. Its as if i entered a endless void and somehow the flicker of light in the distance moves further away from me even as i try so hard to inch towards it. Skies are dark, the house is devoid of animate objects, n i seem to be the only soul within miles of my heart now. I know im letting myself wallow in self pity, but i jus cun help it. I really dont want to feel this way either. But a failure like me has not much choices to make.
My first Saturday that im alone. In ages.
Have no recollection of how i used to spend Saturdays alone last time. Cos they seem so faraway to me right now. Maybe i shld try getting used to it. I shld be independent. My jie said she likes me cos i seem like an independent ger to her. But i guess i must have disappointed her this time round.
I have a sickening feeling that i wun be able to stand any more Saturdaes at home.
-Memories can be scary when they are all u have.-
또 울어버렸다.. @ 1:26 PM
금요일, 5월 20, 2005
Damn pissed off right now
I cun believe myself at times. Im actually darn pissed right now after watchin todae's dolphin bay. Its official, i cun stand tianbian anymore. Right from the start she fumbled her way into the lives of two guys who turned out to love her so much and yet the only thing she knows how to do is to hurt them. I know zeya might be fickle well accordin to my dear angie whose view i totally cun agree with. N i guess we will never come to the same conclusion abt this cos our thinking are totally different! I can never never agree in my life that u can give up someone who loves u so much and is for that matter, dying soon, n only wishes that u can be with her for the rest of her remaining days on this earth. Is that even too hard to ask of u? Is that? I cun understand why wld anyone feel that it is impossible. Arent u human too? or would i have mistaken you for sth other than that? Sorry angie im not scoldin u or anythin but i jus wants to sae wat i feel k. Better stop replyin u or else i think i will sound too harsh liao. So if u see this u noe why i din reply u lah hor.
Anyway i jus cun see why is tianbian doin stupid things. Everyone's tryin so hard to help her n yet i hardly see her doin anything concrete. First she refuses to sing at her own trial session. Den, she's late for her promotion n in e end it was called off. All because she cldnt control her own feelings. Ok fine i know its hard but din she sae herself tt all along she treated xiaogang as her idol only? if she din noe how to differentiate her own feelings it's fine by me. But pls watch ur actions. I admit im biased towards zeya n xiaogang but i cun help it. They certainly seem to love tianbian more den she loves either of them. N her face doesnt help any. So young n immature. Fine im doin a personal attack n i dun deny that. Zeya has his own responsibilities. He's the president of SEt n he certainly cun do anything to jeopardise his own company. Even if he may seem like a puppet, its out of filial piety n the fact that it is the grandpa who brought him up. N most imptly, cos of shanni. Its fair enuf if she wasnt gg to die. But she is. N yet she was willing to do anything for him so as to let him be happy. Zhuang wei da. i beg to differ. Shanni cun do without him, for christ's sake. But tianbian seems to be able to survive happily to me. Not tt she looked as if she was deeply in love with zeya in the first place.
Okok i cun let my emotions get the better of me! im gettin hot tempered recently. Mus be the stupid job n my stupid life. Sometimes i feel like i mus have split personality. ohno ohno i really think e job is gettin to me. Or issit wats happenin to me recently that made me flare up so easily? *shudders*
Lets just hope tomorrow is a better day.
-Being able to love somebody is the most wonderful feeling in this world.But do everybody really know how to? I doubt so.-
또 울어버렸다.. @ 8:58 PM
화요일, 5월 17, 2005
sorry
sorry in midst of changing so jus bear with all the messiness k..
또 울어버렸다.. @ 10:33 PM
Thinking..
Been days since my last entry. But to me, somehow it seemed like the longest week. I must admit, i aint been happy these few days. Ever tried making a decision which made u extremely guilty after that? The feeling sucks. Listening to angela's journey now. The lyrics describes my feelings exactly. Sian. Only two weeks into the hols and here im already dying to go back school. I dun wish to be left alone. Its scary.
Im stuck. For the first time in my life, i feel like im standing at a crossroad. One that stretches far beyond the horizon. I cun see whats in front of me. But i do know what i had left behind me. A trail that would have welcomed me back with open arms. A safe haven i could always rely on when i falter. Yet i chose to abandon it. Why? I dont know n i dare not probe.
Cos its a long long journey. Till i find my way home back to u.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 9:36 PM
금요일, 5월 13, 2005
Lunch break during work
Having lunch break right now and everyone's has left e office for lunch. Well, except me. Lazy to move lah. My feet is still in the midst of recovery. Mon i wore heels, tue i wore wedges, wed i went rollerbladin n erm hikin, thur wore my white shoes which seemed to have shrunk. So how on earth is my feet goin to recover?? Hiaks. Lucky todae i wore schoo shoes. Heh reallie, the kind that all gals would have worn in pri sch with a strap right across one. U know, the Bata kind. But mine is some ulu brand one lah bought at the market one. Haha. Poor lor. Anyone i painted copper brown stuff on it using fabric paint lah. N luckily, they r not painful. Or else i really dunno wat i shld wear to work anymore.Heh angie sae i go work like go war lydat.
Speakin of wed, me n angie were a disaster. Haha. I m sooooo determined to perfect my blading skills now. We even saw small kids who could blade better den us. Bleah. N the guy at the blading rental shop even offered to give us free two hrs so in total we had three hrs for 7 bucks. Well, we barely used half of e time. So like no use also. oh n e funny thing was that i actually remembered e wrong bus to go ecp. Haha im so sorry angie. I reallie forgot its 76 not 72. lucky 72 went tampines n not some ulu place or i think u will kill me for sure. Heh. After that went to visit E05 which had nobdy inside except 2 pairs of slippers n a cat. Took us 25 mins to walk from macs to e chalet n the worst was that we had to walk back again! All jie's fault. Run here run there. Anywae jie said she will piggy back me somedae. Heh i rem one oh. Memory good not like alot of pple. Heh i sound like i scolding alot of ppl. Oki endin here. Gotta cont pasting stickers on brochures. Im the office girl. haha. Zuo bo one.
ps/there is a dept retreat outing on mon n they are goin to play paintball n go for spa n lunch! i certainly dun mind the last two but paintball...errr...do i look like i like guerilla warfare?
또 울어버렸다.. @ 1:12 PM
금요일, 5월 06, 2005
Exams are over!!
Yeah..my exams are finally over~ Heh but hor strangely when i walked out of MPSH6, i din seem to feel especially euphoric or cheery or happie or relieved or watever leh. Zw sae cos im too stoned liao. Heh i think so too. Mei gan jue le. Well anywae, here's announcing the official closure of my brain n CNS til August!! Lolz. Jus watched another episode of my favourite Dada show. Reallie like e name dada leh. Its so cute n sweet..maybe next time call my son that. Haha, bet he will hate me for that when he grows up. But for e moment, im jus obsessed with Dada. *smiles sweetly* Lalalalala~~ N todae Bottle cap said sth so heartwrenching..e other kids at the St Theresa's home actually named her that cos when she was sent there, it was actually cos her mum died n they jus left her there. So she was 'kai le jiu bei pao qi, mei ren yao de xiao ping gai'. Which means that like a bottle cap, once u opened e bottle, u jus threw e cap away--so she was being ridiculed by e kids for being abandoned. So poor thing~
Hiaks, think im e only soul on earth who still cries watching ou xiang ju when im like 21 yrs old alreade. Haha who cares. Im jus easily touched by shows. N even books if animals r concerned. Well, if u wan me to cry, the easiest wae is to let me see shows of animals being abandoned, dying, injured etc..i can tell u for sure, my tears will just flow n flow n flow....(to positive infinity) I just cun stand seeing animals in any other condition other den being happie lah. They are so innocent n naive, they jus wan some of ur love n they will give u back theirs tenfold. What more can u ask for? Humans, for all their supposed 'intelligence' fails to grasp this extremely simple concept of life n instead, they settle for suicide when in e first place, they cun love unconditionally. what the..u tell me. Suicide is like e stupidest thing on earth, n homosapiens somehow jus lurvve to do it. Out of curiosity? Out of fun? Out of boredom? Nah, i guess its a trend. U know, its cool if u cut ur own wrist or sth..so everybdy who see ur scars go woah..how cool.. *bleah* Animals on the other hand, live only to survive.So pls do not stop them from doing so. Hmm, do u think WWF will see my blog n name me as their next ambassador? Heh i would absolutely love to do it.
(p/s for e sake of pple who can only relate WWF to wrestling, it is in fact the abbreviation for World Wildlife Fund, n not world wrestling federation. World wildlife fund won the legal suit over who shld use the abbrev-WWF n so e other party had to settle for another name which i hav no idea of cos -do i look like a wrestling fan to u?- Thank you.)
Anywae, i jus cun stand pple who bully animals, eat or use products from endangered species (sharks fin included). So if u are one of them, kindly steer clear of my path or else i wouldnt noe wat i would do to u.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 8:48 PM
수요일, 5월 04, 2005
my lousy jap paper
Sigh, i think by now majority of the cohort is rejoicing except for the poor unfortunate lot of lsm 2102 students. Im sooooo lazy to study finish my 02!! -sianz- Todae jus had my jap2 paper, n yes it was a disaster again. Lousy listening, lousy writing. Why cun email be written in the casual form u tell me..i mean im writing to my fren mah, must i sound so serious in an email. Diaoz.
Ok n besides e far from wonderful paper, i think i made my jie angry w me. Well i dunno if she will read this, but i jus wanna sae sorry! i really din noe u will wait for me cos i thot u will go off w jet. Den i also din see anybdy familiar in my exam grp thats y i left early. I noe u always get stuck btw me n jet so i thot i might as well leave first so u wun be so awkward being in e middle. I know maybe u dun think that wae but tt was what i felt. Perhaps u expected too much out of me so when i dun meet ur expectations u get upset w me? In any case, im sorry n i promise u it wun happen again. No taking pple for granted, i noe. Hw can i bully my own jie. ",)
또 울어버렸다.. @ 2:33 PM